What am I Doula-ing?

I had no clue. I was happy being in the clouds, and there is nothing wrong with that. I just didn't know what it would be like to become a mother.

Advice from friends and family that went over my head. Parenting books? Who had time to read those when I was introduced to Game of Thrones and The Big Bang Theory. I was distracted and happy about it. The one thing I knew for sure is that when I officially became a mother, I would feel it. I also know that everyone is different. Some feel a ways that others won't, whether from a different generation, or just a different mindset. I was OK with that. I came to motherhood with an open mind.

I spent my third trimester bouncing on my birth ball in the evenings imagining all the cute outfits my little boy would wear. When I really had trouble sleeping I would go into his room and organize his little clothes over and over. Keep in mind, this task has not repeated itself after birth.

Labor started September 24th around 5:30 pm. I was still in the so called casual mindset as I called Jeff up who was playing squash and suggested we get the trickling water going down my legs checked out... but no rush, finish your squash game!

Contractions hadn't started yet and I was still in my go with the flow mode. Unfortunately I was GBS positive, and as my water had already broken, the hospital put me on the clock for 24 hours for contractions to start on their own or induction would be the plan. When the induction took more than one try, c-section was thrown around. I was scared. More than 26 hours later... and three hours of pushing, my first baby was born.

I would love to say that was the moment I felt it. It wasn't. I was shaky,  I could barely hold him. My husband was proud. The nurses and doctors that delivered were amazing. The part that was the hardest for me was after.

I tried to breastfeed, it should be easy right? You put the baby up to the nipple and they eat. It wasn't. He would not latch. I decided to have a little rest and try again. He still wouldn't latch. I believe there were a lot of patients that night, as even though my nurses were amazing during the birth, I did not have the support I needed during the time to breastfeed. My husband was sent home, and I cried. With tears rolling down my face, alone in the room with my baby looking up at me, I became a mother.

This is why I decided to become a doula. As a new mother, who had a hard birth, was having trouble breastfeeding and didn't know what was going on, this was one of the most emotional times of my life. “What am I doing?” went through my head many times. My go with the flow went out the window, it was time to get to business. I felt so helpless. I really could have used the support of a doula. I did not know what a doula was at that time! I started looking up ways I could help other moms in my situation, and realized my future path.

Happy ending for me - I breastfed my son until the month before we conceived my daughter. I love breastfeeding and I love being a mom. I also love hearing birth stories and being able to support people in pregnancy.

Giving birth was one of the most empowering, and emotional things. I would love to support others in this process.

What am I Doula-ing now? My story is to be continued, and I am looking forward to hearing – or maybe even being – part of yours as well.